Wed 19 Feb 2020!

Its finally the eve of the next treatment.

Gotta say the past week has been tough.

LAST NIGHT WAS CRAPPY. I HAD AN ITCH FEST AND SO MUCH REGRETS. I scratched both my collarbones and the chest. FML.

So this morning i showered. Cus all that scratching, i gotta. I was like so dead in bed in the morning because im afraid to face the music. Im afraid to see the damage i did myself.

I washed off that crust in the shower on my chin. FML, i regret. That one moment of weakness..

In the afternoon, my face feels pretty dry and tight. And i have been picking at the scabs abit, some legit dry dropped off. The skin is still pretty bad underneath tho.

Also today on my right arm, theres alot more of those spots thats on other parts of my body.

Tuesday – 18 Feb 2020

God, these past few days have been tough and long.

I had a rough night yesterday. Didnt eat any melatonin. Didnt sleep well. My left ear was terrible and wet. Inside and out. I was so frustrated with it. I stuffed it with tissue and tried to sleep.

Also, yesterday night was terrible. I tried to sleep on my side and my left cheek started dripping ooze near my lips/nose. UGH. FK. It seems like last night was not as dry as i wanted it to be.

I woke up and received a text from my brother. He wanted me to go collect his parcel that was left just outside my apartment’s door. God Even doing simple things like these stresses me abit. It was hard just for me to fking get out of the bed these past week.

I woke up and seriously contemplated if i should shower. I think i should, cus my fking left ear is so wet, i dont know if its dirty or what. and my face. Some of the good skin feels kinda wet and oozy? FK. And i havent said that my scalp near the ears and at the back near the hairline.. they are kinda not doing too well and have some spots that ooze 😦

Also yesterday i was kinda upset that it seems my flare still hasnt peaked yet. I feel like i suddenly have so many red spots popping up all over my arms, chest, boobs, belly, legs.. ugh. FML. Ok i need to take it one day at a time.

So i showered and felt absolutely great. Thank god. It was terrible when i stepped outta shower. I accidentally pulled some crust off because my hair stuck to my face 😦 But thank god, it didnt waterfall ooze just yet. Looks pretty tame for now. I need to stop fking picking at my crust.

Also i applied for my credit card’s installment. Fingers crossed. Ugh. Im basically in debt now..

Also on diet, i am gonna lose so much weight probably in the next few weeks when this crust situation is on going. I can barely fking eat. But im finding lots of gratitude from a supportive mom thats been cooking me porridge past few days.

JUST 2 MORE DAYS TO NEXT TREATMENT ON THURS! I can survive wed. I can survive wed.

Day 478 – 1yr 3mths ++++ – sleep and drowsy antihistamines

so yesterday, after months of procrastination, i took a drowsy antihistamine and slept a whooping 12hours or so. I took the antihistamine around 6pm after dinner and climbed into bed around 9pm when i started feeling alittle drowsy. I was in bed for awhile until i felt so weak that i didnt even wrap my arms and fell asleep. I think its safe to say i didnt do destructive scratching during my sleep yesterday. There was some light scratching though. 

I woke afew times during the night, not to itch, but a sudden urge to check the time. I was like “SHIT, WHAT TIME IS IT? DID I OVERSLEPT?!” But it was fine. I only had to wake after 9am. 

I was concerned about the time required medicine to stop making me drowsy. Some drugs, drug me a good 18hours. Its less intense than the first 3hrs but it makes me half dead or gives me brain fog? I still feel alittle “not awake” at times. But now at 2pm, i kinda feel the medicine’s drowsy effect is gone. 🙂

What i ate today:

Grilled chicken wrap, yeo’s sweetened lemon barley drink, matcha pumpkin seeds,

Yesterday: 

Kfc chicken porridge, cousin’s homebaked chocolate chip muffin, rice with dark green veg, rice vermicelli with green chilli, green veg and fried sweet youtiao, some taiwan mochi and matcha pumpkin seeds

Day 112 – peace

Woke up at 8am, slept again, finally got out of bed at 4.45-ish. Discovered lots of small scratches on calves, left arm… I cant remb already, what happened during the night, except my neck was very uncomfy -_- its like the most uncomfy part of me. I scratch and it burns, ooze? No idea. Its just darn uncomfy. 

Found the sun shining happily at 4+, so i ate my chicken rice in the kitchen and also sunned my legs for awhile there(abt 15mins). Its like the first time the sun directly hit my legs in a long time. At work or out, im always wearing long pants. 

Skin was alittle itchy at 6+. Mmm. It always feel sucky to wake up late. Its like, awhile later and its dark again. But gah, its so nice to sleep itchless! And when its the “official” time to sleep, its always erratic and choppy and not nice to sleep! Bah! 

I love my parents and am grateful for what they have done for me so far since TSW. 🙂 Jo you gotta be more patient with them! Told them i might be seeing TCM. Of cos they’re anxious. But im thinking seeing a TCM is just being mentally less taxing on me. Everyone needs a handholder during TSW.

What i ate today:

Lunch: chicken rice + juliet apple

Dinner: Chicken rice again and some guava