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Day 487 – 1yr 4mths 2 days

just crossed 1yr 4mths mark! Woke up and today, skin is in relatively good condition, just a oozing patch on my right calf. 

I know i havent posted pics of my leg in a dam long time. They’re so horrid i dont wanna even take pics. Depressing.   
Trouble areas:

1. Cheeks – red and oozing like some mad ass and seems to be worsening. Begun in my week of extreme stress (last week of may) 

2. Neck – the neck folds sometimes when i sleep. Its uncomfy and makes it wet/oozy. When i get out of shower, i go into a mad scratch fest with neck. 

3. Left inside elbow – itchy AF. Worsening i feel. 

4. Fingers – been very fragile. Right fingers are worse but theres 2 small patches on left fingers (index and ring) that seems worsening. 

5. Left ankle area – getting itchy like crap this few months. The tcm wash sometimes irritates it when its not drying enough. 

6. Right Calf patch – sometimes it ooze like crap. Sometimes its okay. 

7. Left upper arm – worsening i feel. Now its still relatively healthy
I feel kinda stressed past few days about my worsening cheek and the social gatherings i have to go to. I SO do not want to explain my red cheek. 

Also, yesterday i felt uberly incredibly stressed about my dry finances… Mustered enough courage to ask my mum to help with tcm expenses. 

ARGH. I need to manage my stress better.

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Day 478 – 1yr 3mths ++++ – sleep and drowsy antihistamines

so yesterday, after months of procrastination, i took a drowsy antihistamine and slept a whooping 12hours or so. I took the antihistamine around 6pm after dinner and climbed into bed around 9pm when i started feeling alittle drowsy. I was in bed for awhile until i felt so weak that i didnt even wrap my arms and fell asleep. I think its safe to say i didnt do destructive scratching during my sleep yesterday. There was some light scratching though. 

I woke afew times during the night, not to itch, but a sudden urge to check the time. I was like “SHIT, WHAT TIME IS IT? DID I OVERSLEPT?!” But it was fine. I only had to wake after 9am. 

I was concerned about the time required medicine to stop making me drowsy. Some drugs, drug me a good 18hours. Its less intense than the first 3hrs but it makes me half dead or gives me brain fog? I still feel alittle “not awake” at times. But now at 2pm, i kinda feel the medicine’s drowsy effect is gone. 🙂

What i ate today:

Grilled chicken wrap, yeo’s sweetened lemon barley drink, matcha pumpkin seeds,

Yesterday: 

Kfc chicken porridge, cousin’s homebaked chocolate chip muffin, rice with dark green veg, rice vermicelli with green chilli, green veg and fried sweet youtiao, some taiwan mochi and matcha pumpkin seeds

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Day 474 – 1yr 3mths+ – rant. 

The disgusted mrt passenger

this morning i had to Go for my weekly saturday morning japanese class in town. So i took the train and got a seat next to the priority seat(seat for needy passengers). 

At a certain stop came a women probably in her 50s. She was hurriedly looking for a seat and was probably relieved to find an empty one beside me. She sat down and i felt her heave a sigh of relief. But then she turned and saw me, probably my oozy crusty left cheek and probably felt disgusted. She kept turning to stare at me(i didnt turn to look but i could feel it). She was probably panicking cos she keep turning. And i turned to see her expression (if any) and if she was really looking and indeed! Shes looking. And then she touched her own left cheek while i glanced at her. She probably make a tsk and continue to turn. 

When i saw that shes bothered by my crusty cheek, I was practically rolling my eyes all the way 180, 360 degrees upside down, inside out and falling off inside my eye socket. WTF, is there anything wrong? Its not like im touching her or anything. Does she have to keep staring and act panicky? 

I know. I should not let her actions affect me. Afterall, she did not ask(thankfully) or wanted me to respond to her in anyway. But anyway, i turned to her and gave my UBER STINKY, BLACK, EYE ROLLING FACE. And turned back to look straight ahead.

I didnt care if she read my face right nor did i care about her reaction. After afew more minutes of panic, head turn, she stood up and held onto the pole. I figured shes disgusted by my ooze crusty cheek to want to sit beside me. 

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Also went to see the tcm today after a week hiatus and back from taiwan. Im in a bad state i feel. Becos of the oozing crusty cheek and shit from people i get. And my overly concerned naggy parents. 

Flares on visible skin really takes a toll emotionally on top of physically skin wise. All the extra stress you gotta handle. Its easy to say to disregard them, but when you get machinegun-question-firing-concerned parents, that may be another thing altogether. I wonder if my cheek was as bad as my ankle, would people on the train keep an arms distance from me? 

I feel like i need to get my shit together. Should i brave the shit flare on my cheeks and try to work fulltime again? Jo is running out of money and doesnt feel like things will improve in the short run. Yet i want 2 weeks or so for the skin to calm down alittle. But theres no guarantee when it will truly be calm. Sigh.

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Day 473 – 1yr 3.5mths+ not the best day

yesterday evening i was mad scratching my left ankle. Yes. My fragile left ankle. Result? Blood. I’ve been scratching the problem areas recently since the tcm med change 😦

And my cheeks is oozing mad this morning. I hope it calms down soon 😦 

Its so hard to get out of bed recently. It feels like “just when im finally getting good sleep, i need to wake” 😦 i’ve been having trouble sleeping lately. I wont deny that its affecting me! I need to fucking find 2 days to pop a drowsy antihistamine and sleep. 

I scratched my left ankle during my sleep again. And ravaged my right fingers mad. Sigh. Im kinda in a state which i feel terrible. 

What have i accomplished these 1yr+ of tsw?! Isnt it supposed to get better? 

Yesterday at work, my colleagues were talking big things to me. Stuff like “when you are ready for marriage” . I realise im grossly not ready. I guess my current eczema condition has a role. Yet at the same time, i like to take comfort in the phrase “well its like if you didnt work here, you wont have sprouted crap and talk such things with us. All things happen for a reason. If you’re not at your best then you havent found what you’re meant to do”

  
My guilty pleasure:

Tons of taiwan sun biscuits

Sweet drinks x 2

Spinach with rice

Cauliflower, xiaobai cai and rice vermicelli

Banana and papaya

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Day 471 – 1yr 3.5mths

helllooooo!! Im back from my 4 day taiwan trip. Past week’s skin has been terrible. Partly because of the exam stress just before the taiwan trip. I am glad to survive the trip 🙂

I hope the healing is coming.

I feel kinda terrible. I guess having it on the face increases the terrible feeling. My left cheek is oozing. My right ear is oozing. Feels like my left ear is gonna start oozing soon too. ALSO, i notice i kinda stink. Is it my hair? Or the ooze? I normally just ooze on legs and my nose is too far to smell them. No smell from leg ooze.

My chest also have afew reddish spots, but thankfully not oozing.

My neck is terrible. Its a scratch magnet. It oozes abit from scratching and itd dry and its uncomfy ARGH. Dunno what to do with it. 

[rant]

Lately my father has been trying to persuade me to see a western doctor (aka ditch tcm). WTF! Getting steroids from the western docs is the last thing i wanna do. He was saying my relatives told him i shud see a specialist and apply medicine cos they know what they’re doing. F! Thats the last thing i wanna do. F! I hope my dad shuts up before i shout at him. My tcm may not be giving me beautiful results but no thanks to steroids.