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Tempting Freedom

I just realised my last post is dated 2018.

Tons has happened since then.. I had a bout of “bacterial overgrowth”(i think) on my foot, where the skin just started to ooze and ooze with no end, get worse, spread all over the feet and swell. I had to get 2 lympathic message sessions to calm it down. Oh god, rip my wallet.

Talking about wallet, yes rip. Rip my wallet. It is giving me a stern reminder that i need to work to even get treatment now.

BUT RECENTLY, IT HAS BEEN THE BEST DAYS OF SKIN SINCE ?? AFEW YEARSS???

I was reluctant to blog, because, i dont wanna jinx it again. 🤷

My skin:

Face: Cheeks has been the best so far. Today my right cheek tho, looks like it might ooze again with the redness rising. But my darling left cheek is dry and abit flakey. No complains as long as it doesnt start to ooze again. My dam left cheek tho, has a dark dot on it. I looked at it and it kinda worries me if it might be signs of a lyme bite. Ugh.

Arms: Legions that surfaced has calmed down again. Abit dry but smooth and healthy.

Fingers: Left palm is perfect. Right palm is up and downs. Today i ravaged it again due to moisture trigger… I was washing the celery juicer stuff, cant help it.

Neck/shoulders: Mild legions that surfaced seemed to have calmed down. Generally smooth

My skin was so good for my HK trip. I dont really know what caused this leap, but i was being conservative by not trying too much supplements that might give me a reaction. My cheeks were like so good and minimal oozing. I wonder if its really the celery juicing that i started. I started juicing 2 weeks before my HK trip and stopped during the 1 week trip. Can say that i am recovering from/in midst of small a flare(from glutathione and pineapple tarts? XD)  when i started on the celery juicing tho.

What i am currently doing:

  • Daily celery juice
    • I try to aim for around 400ml everyday, 30mins before meal or 2hrs after meal
  • Oregano oil supplement
  • Olive leaf supplement
  • Milk Thistle with artichoke & dandelion
  • L-Glutamine supplement (2g everyday, started 2mths ago? bottle finished today, not sure if i haz the money to buy another bottle and i dont feel like theres specific improvements)
  • Red Dragon Fruit (I eat 1 almost everyday which is about 400g+?)
  • Zinc Picolinate (on and off)
  • Roasted Dandelion Root Tea (on and off)
  • Pau D’arco tea (on and off)

 

I actually paused my probiotics and didnt eat as religiously. Havent been eating the vivomixx(VSL 3).

Its been so well im considering to re-join the workforce part time. But idk if the stress/cheating might kill me again. Ugh i dont wanna count.. how long.. i havent held a fulltime job.. UGH

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Moods

Feelings are always a complex problem.

Just 2 weeks ago i was part of an epic family drama with my siblings. Was TSW to blame? I dont know. I feel that part of the mood equation has to do with gut microbes. Theres plenty of research and websites talking about it. And also mercury retrograde. Its a weird concept. Maybe it was part of it.

So TSW aside, i have always observed myself and my own moods from time to time. Truth be told, i always felt a spike in my bitchiness 1 or 2 weeks before my period. Everyone knows about PMS. But does every women admit their mood swings are PMS related? No!

Personally i feel it and i can tell, sometimes its my PMS monster at work when i get agitated that people cut my queue, or behavior by certain people that irritates me during this period, like playing their videos loudly. Normally im uber chill and dont give a flying f about it. I notice this and i feel helpless and frustrated about it.

Uncle cuts my queue paying for her begawan solo kuehs?

Normal times: I dont give a damn, Chill! just let him pay first, im not in a hurry anyways.

PMS influence: WTF UNCLE IM HERE FIRST WHAT ARE YOU DOING BEING SO COMPETITIVE AND CUTTING MY QUEUE? *ego issues & competitive-ness* HOW CAN I LET HIM CUT MY QUEUE? I WAS HERE FIRST AND WTH THE CASHIER PUSHED MY ORDER BACK TO SERVE HIM FIRST WHAT IS THIS?! HOW CAN I LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS JUST BECAUSE HE IS OLD?

Sometimes i feel that people who have an anger problem might have upset microbes in their gut. That it triggers them so much that they cant control it. And menopause women too. Its no doubt that hormones plays a part too. I mean normally people dont feel all the rage all the time right?

And sigh. Today im feeling alittle down. Few days ago i took another look at the letter that came from the government telling me to submit a photo for ID card update. FML, how long has it been since my face was clear? FML, FML. I received the letter early this year and now, FML ITS SEPTEMBER. 6 months to deadline. Has my face been good this 9months? F NO! Im kinda upset. How long has it been? How long more? I feel anxious going out with this face and all the stares. I have learn to not make eye contact now that im out, becos i aint got time to see the stranger’s pity look on their face. Or shock. Or disgust. I feel like i need to get over this and get used to this. And continue life. BECOS MONEY.

Money. sigh.

My face was flaring upside down like 2 months ago. So raw. So red. Now its drier, and i am sane enough now. Yesterday i drank green tea in the evening and last night i totally regretted it. I was awake last night flipping around in bed and didnt sleep til like… sunrise? FML. Today i felt so down i had to drink 3-in-1 instant coffee. I hope i dont regret this.

Also since last week i have been having hive-like bumps when i scratch. I wonder if this is a candida die-off effect. i mean i classify it as such. I have been taking Candidase yeast enzymes with anti fungals. And working up the dose. And last week i happen to take afew doses of them together. Supposedly together enhances the effect of both. And so after emailing my tcm i stopped any antifungals or candidase since wed. Its weird that only 4 days passed. It felt like so long. I thought my body would be done detoxing or catching up and that i can resume. Sigh. My bowels havent been regular so i guess i need to work on it. and just work on that one step, one day at a time for now…

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Starting on candida again

Things have become much more sane these past few days and im seeing much healing. Plz continue to heal. F i need a clear face to take a photo for my new identification card -_- Dang. Talk about facial eczema as a scar for the rest of my life? WHAT?

Yesterday i went to see the tcm again. Bill came to S$264. Ouch my wallet. *cries* Expensive AF. But guess i need the herbs. Probably gonna last me 1 month or 2.

Today my Candidase from enzymedica arrived. i took 1 capsule. recommended dose is 2 caps 3 times a day. But im afraid of the herx, so im gonna take it slow. 1 today, maybe 2 tomorrow when i wake up for the rest of the week. Then next week 2 caps twice a day. Hmmm. When i reach max dose then imma add in serrapeptase… hmmmm… and when im good with serrapeptase im going to start drinking pau d’arco again… (i’ve been drinking 1 teabag for past 1 week with barely any herx)

What supplements im taking right now:

  • Probiotics (VSL3) at bedtime 2 caps
  • doctors best Quercetin 2 caps after meal
  • doctors best digestive enzymes 2 before meal
  • enzymedica candidase between meals as described above
  • solgar zinc picolinate 22mg (when i remember)
  • tcm damp heat herbs

 

Yesterday i went out on a rather long errand trip before the tcm too. Because of the extreme flare, i have been homebound for about 5 to 6 weeks. Gosh i was walking so much and out in the sun, when i walked down the stairs at the train station, wth my legs were shaking. Talk about the muscle wasting during this 5 weeks of sitting infront of the pc. Previously my legs used to shake when i hiked downhill. Goodtimes. I hope to be able to hike soon!

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Light

I guess the past few days im finally seeing some light and healing.

To come out of this flare… thank god.

I switched to eating Enzymedica’s Digestgold with ATpro. So far so good. I felt like its effects is better than doctor’s best. I feel like i have much less wind.

Gonna buy Candidase and start on it soon as part of my candida plan. Im still abit hesitant about restarting serrapeptase tho. I wonder if serrapeptase triggered a flare or really did make me ooze more, or that its just bad timing with onset of a flare.

Woke up with somewhat good skin and i drank 1 teabag of Pau D’arco. No big reactions so far, thank god.

I also noticed my anxiety is lower now that my skin is more dry overall. Thank god.

Please heal up, i cant wait to get out of house!!

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Slowly…

Just a long wait for my skin to heal bit by bit.. Just got to wait it out.. Cant be rushed. Ugh

These few weeks i’ve been reading around the internet. Sigh seems people’s eczema is nowhere as bad as mine. I have terrible raw red oozy cheeks, chin and a patch on forehead between eyebrows. Dang. Everywhere else is minor imho. The patches on my calves? Minor. Ankle? Minor. To other people its probably a big deal but after what i’ve been thru? Those are peanuts.

When i see the pics of those so-called eczema sufferers, gosh, so mild. I just have super severe eczema i guess. Bummer.

Cant take internet wisdom too literally because they’re not meant for super serious people like me. I’ve been doctoring myself. Yes. It sounds terrible. But what to do when conventional medicine doesnt help you as much? People think im crazy.

I think im watering a bamboo shoot that hasnt broke the ground and people think im pouring my money down the drain.

Hang in there Jo. 1 day at a time.

(Cant wait for skin to heal and toughen abit to continue purging candida!)

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Lost

I realise its been like 1 year since i last posted on this blog. I used to post everyday. Omg.

And exactly like 1 yr ago i had a face flare. Bingo. Now im having one too.

Gah. This is my place to come to count my blessings and take it one day at a time.

Pretty bad this time. Its so red and raw. Its like rock bottom. Horrible. You seriously forget your good and bad days so fast. One week of good skin day and you’re like “IM READY TO WORK FULLTIME NOW”. Then bam. flare. Vicious cycle all over.

Im so ready to work on my candida. I think my root of all evil is candida. Thru taking olive leaf extract past month the tcm finally says my “coat” on my tongue is gone. Good news as an indicator of damp! Also i noticed my finger legions were better.

I was also taking glutathione after much raves in the whatsapp group. Not much of any observation tho. I took 500mg daily up til… i couldnt take the upcoming flare anymore.

So i bought oregano oil extract, serrapeptase(overhyped i guess) to try. Who knew that i would be in sucha big slump now?

So my brother offered to cook me some pasta with gyoza and i ate it. It was full of chilli flakes and gyoza was pan-fried. Regret max. So i would say this flare took 2 weeks to build and explode.

I learnt quite abit past few months. First was the mad search about candida. Cos i realise i have this white discharge thats bothering me. It gets better when i take probiotics religiously. It must be some… bacteria thingo. So i tried olive leaf extract. Seemed to work. 2 weeks+ later its reduced.

Then i read about biofilms. And targetting the yeast. Enzymes. Serrapeptase. Serrapeptase tho. Its touted as anti inflammatory, blood cleansing etc but i guess its not the time to take it for me. I wonder if its the height of the flare or serrapeptase itself, but i oozed more when i took it during that short few days. But i did ooze alot even after i stopped taking it. That was when i recognised my flare.

I stopped olive leaf extracts midway when i read about TH1 and TH2 balance. Since i guess im TH2 and olive leaf extract worsens it. But hey i actually got better taking it. ????

And then i restarted. cos the discharges were back.

Fingers crossed that i will be recovering my sanity soon. So i can get back on track to trying the rest of conquering candida. I have Pau D’arco, oregano oil, olive leaf, digestive enzymes… gonna buy grapeseed extract and Syntol? Maybe candidase?

So also recently there was a stream on fb talking about it. It was by Grace and Ben. Ben’s approach to TSW was to 1. Detox better then eat better, then something about targetting specific eczema types. TBH i was impressed. I thought it would be full of loop holes here and there.

I have the oozy eczema, i am sensitive to heaty food, and i have histamine intolerance. Eating “good” is so hard. F all the high histamine food. All i see about healing this crap is bone f broth, which is high histamines that i cant eat. F.

Well back to the stream. It got me wondering and i was very interested to follow what Ben has to say. Then i read on the internet and talked to my tcm. Seems my tcm doesnt really put “detox” as what he recommends for first time TSW. Can understand why. Ben says in his stream that something about skin problems are indication of liver problems. So for it to get well it needs liver detox. Okay… I was reading around online and some websites said if you detox first and your gut is leaky, its only gonna make u feel even worse. This was what i didnt want when i started on my TSW journey. I didnt want to flare.

So how now, brown cow? I guess i should go back to working on healing abit of my gut again. AGAIN, i say. I felt like i havent made much progress this past 3 years. Its been 3++ years f dam it. When is my life crisis gonna be over? I have been too passive depending on my tcm for everything. ugh. I think tcm ultimately cant clear all the candida from my system. That period of time that was good was incidentally after a course of antibiotics. Boom. And then sometime later i had antibiotics flare. WTH. Now im not sure if antibiotics is good or bad. But just 1 conclusion: GUT BACTERIA.

So what im gonna do when im better from this raw face flare, is to try L-glutamine. Im taking 1~2 digestive enzymes during meals recently, so hopefully, less undigested food to aggravate my gut. and plz heal abit too.

I noticed it again tho. During periods of flare, my mental health can be down the drain. I feel especially jittery. Especially after meals. I can feel it. The surge. I dont know if its the heat of the food making me hot or the food nutrients itself. I get anxiety attacks too. Not the super serious kind but i can feel it. It makes me itch and then my body is tensed and sort of “spirals” from there. Gets worse. And i got to calm myself down. And during good times i dont get this feeling. During good times i seem to be able to handle stress better.

I raid(game) with my group at night and its just unfortunate that currently im in a period of flare. It reminded me of the last ultimate raid. You just want to stop and chill and not raid.

Can i talk about how bad my face is flaring? It drips ooze. The baddest-baddest-worst day: the ooze drips. Every few minutes. Its so raw and sensitive when any wind blows. How the f did i sleep? Yeah. How the F. Im reminded of the good times when my skin is intact and i could lie sideways to browse on my phone. Also i am reminded of the bad days where the ooze sliding down my face makes me jump awake and wipe it with towels. Gosh. Fingers crossed that this phase will be over soon. Past few days its been slowly getting better. Plz get better soon, my dear skin.

I forgot to mention that the start of this month my apartment block was painting and i realise my skin getting worse. But i didnt expect this tbh. My family painted the apartment interior and i survived with no flares. Is facade paint more toxic? :S The base coat smelled terrible. The colourful coat is less pungent.

I wonder if the jitters are histamine(neurotransmitter) related. Histamine from inflammation? Its not like my flare is from histamine rich bone broth. Its from chilli flakes i think. And maybe a over-indulgent month of coffee? SIGH. I was having lots of coffee before this flare happened. Then i stopped. Coffee seems to be contributory. Tis what my gut feels. But F ITS SO GOOD.

OK enough rants this time.

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Day 942 – 2.5yrs – Miserable

Face is still flaring. And raw. It sucks that i was making progress 3 days ago and since then, it went down hill again because it has been raining and seems its gonna continue raining for the next few days.

ARGH! I feel miserable. Not gonna deny it. Maybe its my hormones. I DO kinda feel i am able to face plant into emo-ness.

F- ahhh. Im miserable about my face. 2 more weeks til i have? to go back to work..

  • Status of skin:
  • Face
    • cheeks, eyelids, chin area, area around lips – red and raw. And oozy.
    • Forehead area slightly reddish
  • Neck
    • Terrible itch and fragile
  • Arms
    • top of palm patch of kinda redish and itch
    • Right arm inside elbow – reddish but healthy patch. Itchy.
    • Left arm – patches of scabby red.
  • Legs
    • Rough patches of itch on thighs and calves
  • Thighs
    • Red spots

Seriously , i do wonder if im having some blood bacterial infection :S All the spots on my thighs.

AND I HATE THAT I KEEP RUBBING MY EYELIDS RAW AT NIGHT. I know i shudnt. But i cant help it. It feels like it needs to exfoliate some scabs 😦 My sister suggest i wear those round plastic cup thingo that people who undergo eye surgery wear. :S How am i gonna wear it when i haz no healthy skin to tape it to.. sigh

My sleep is terrible. I GET ANXIETY AGAIN WHEN ITS NIGHT TIME. I cant sleep. I think my adrenals are hit again. I get into bed at 12 midnight and flip my f til 4am(if im lucky) or 6am when i can finally sleep. Sometimes its after f- sunrise. And at 9am when its perfect to wake, im sleepy and am tempted to sleep another 3hours for improved sanity. Or i overslept and wake at 3pm, half the day gone, and feel emo about it.

When i wake everyday, i gotta shower my f cus my face feels oozy crusty and i feel terrible. Then i procrastinate because im afraid of the pain on my raw neck and arms and face. Sucks.

I just went to see the tcm today, and he changed herbs. Its a small joy because i bought 2 cups of koi bubble tea (green tea with pearl & aloe vera). Also went to buy blueberry dayplus bread.. some biscuits.. and gardenia raisin bread. I feel terrible with nothing to eat when im hungry. So far i have been eating breakfast chicken rice at 3pm and dinner at 7.30pm. Totally screwed up ikr.

Last week i took anti histamines every other day to try to sleep. Somehow i feel terrible and didnt take any this week. I kinda hate it when i wake up at 3pm becus of the extended effects. Waking at 3pm makes me emo. Its like the day is gone and WTF ITS TIME TO SLEEP AGAIN. AND I CANT SLEEP. ikr.

Also i realise im especially jumpy recently. All the excess anxiety… Is excess histamines the problem? I have been taking more than 2000mg of vitamin C daily.. Been trying to take 1 every hour before 7pm when i remember..

Dear god, all these that happens to me.. What are u trying to tell me?

Alittle emo today. Take it one step at a time Jo!