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High Dose Vit C & Aftermath – 23 Feb 2020

My god. I cant tell you how embarassed i am.

I high dosed vitamin C yesterday afternoon, took about 16g of vitamin C, and i diarrhoea from evening til today noon?

GOD I SHAT MY PANTS TWICE DURING THE NIGHT. Holy crap i overestimated myself, i thought i could keep it in my pants, but no. Thank goodness it was not like alot poo, but mostly water.

Today has been calm after the diarrhoea. I feel like my face is drier and my spotty legions calmer? I was picking at some of the crust on my face again tho. And i plucked some off. The crust came off and there was no milk ooze under it. I guess this is what Jay would say as dry crust? This afternoon, my face also felt like it has more elasticity?

My spotty arms 

I was looking at my history yesterday and realised i had a similar episode in Nov 2016. But that episode started with the antibiotics. I had a face flare and also had all the spots on my arms. Will i emerge with good skin in the end too?

Today i got out of bed before 12. What an achievement. I also took my antibiotics before 12 & showered and all. What an achievement. Also i washed 2 fking bags of celery. WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT. WAY TO GO.

Please dear body, heal more.

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2 a many! – 22 Feb 2020

I gotta admit i feel pretty scared.

Today i tried to high dose vitamin C. I feel like i need to do something about the red spots thats appearing more and more all over my body. On my chest, arms, thighs, calves, stomach, neck. Basically everywhere. I feel like my body cant cope with the inflammation and damage on my face. Or my lymph is sluggish and the toxins are recirculating around, thus these red spots..

Also, on why i havent been blogging more, because, dang, now i dont feel comfortable wearing my specs at all. the temples are oozing and stick to my specs :S So for the past few days i’ve been like watching shows where images are all blurry.

Oh back to SHC treatment session 2, tbh i was shocked during the session and also after the session.

During the session, Jay removed all the crust on my face. He said underneath the scab it was oozing milky fluid and its infected. So basically he removed all the scab during the process and i had to wash and dab saline on my face afters. Then also i waited for augmentin that they said i need to take. Its a 1 week course for S$80 expensive AF but i didnt want to go to my GP.

That night. Holy F. Basically my face was waterfall oozing. I was totally not prepared for it! I took 1 course of the augmentin that night and i was panicking that night, like, WHY ISNT MY FACE DRYING UP LIKE LAST WEEK?! Basically i didnt sleep that night because the ooze is legit flowing all over. Oh god. It was terrible. I wonder how much more of this waterfall ooze i might experience. I thought im flaring because of the antibiotics. I think 3years ago i had a course of amoxilcilin and my face totally flared and oozed like mad. So i panicked and asked the people on the whatsapp group. I guess its a normal reaction? That day i woke up and still saw milky ooze on my face. Ugh. Probably takes afew days for the antibiotics to work?

Currently its more than 48 hours since treatment, it feels slightly more livable, my face is mostly dry. But today i’ve been picking at the scabs. I picked those on my nose..

Highdose Vitamin C.

I found out that i could do 2g every 30mins. So thats what i did. In total i did about 16g today. And near the end, i was like suddenly i feel something is about to shoot out my ass. I guess thats the cue of bowel intolerance?

Anyway after treatment that day, because all my crust are off, i felt so liberated. SO LIBERATED. CUS I CAN EAT AGAIN. I ate more veg that day, all that bean sprouts, YAS. Little did i know what was coming for me that night, lmao.

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Wed 19 Feb 2020!

Its finally the eve of the next treatment.

Gotta say the past week has been tough.

LAST NIGHT WAS CRAPPY. I HAD AN ITCH FEST AND SO MUCH REGRETS. I scratched both my collarbones and the chest. FML.

So this morning i showered. Cus all that scratching, i gotta. I was like so dead in bed in the morning because im afraid to face the music. Im afraid to see the damage i did myself.

I washed off that crust in the shower on my chin. FML, i regret. That one moment of weakness..

In the afternoon, my face feels pretty dry and tight. And i have been picking at the scabs abit, some legit dry dropped off. The skin is still pretty bad underneath tho.

Also today on my right arm, theres alot more of those spots thats on other parts of my body.

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Tuesday – 18 Feb 2020

God, these past few days have been tough and long.

I had a rough night yesterday. Didnt eat any melatonin. Didnt sleep well. My left ear was terrible and wet. Inside and out. I was so frustrated with it. I stuffed it with tissue and tried to sleep.

Also, yesterday night was terrible. I tried to sleep on my side and my left cheek started dripping ooze near my lips/nose. UGH. FK. It seems like last night was not as dry as i wanted it to be.

I woke up and received a text from my brother. He wanted me to go collect his parcel that was left just outside my apartment’s door. God Even doing simple things like these stresses me abit. It was hard just for me to fking get out of the bed these past week.

I woke up and seriously contemplated if i should shower. I think i should, cus my fking left ear is so wet, i dont know if its dirty or what. and my face. Some of the good skin feels kinda wet and oozy? FK. And i havent said that my scalp near the ears and at the back near the hairline.. they are kinda not doing too well and have some spots that ooze 😦

Also yesterday i was kinda upset that it seems my flare still hasnt peaked yet. I feel like i suddenly have so many red spots popping up all over my arms, chest, boobs, belly, legs.. ugh. FML. Ok i need to take it one day at a time.

So i showered and felt absolutely great. Thank god. It was terrible when i stepped outta shower. I accidentally pulled some crust off because my hair stuck to my face 😦 But thank god, it didnt waterfall ooze just yet. Looks pretty tame for now. I need to stop fking picking at my crust.

Also i applied for my credit card’s installment. Fingers crossed. Ugh. Im basically in debt now..

Also on diet, i am gonna lose so much weight probably in the next few weeks when this crust situation is on going. I can barely fking eat. But im finding lots of gratitude from a supportive mom thats been cooking me porridge past few days.

JUST 2 MORE DAYS TO NEXT TREATMENT ON THURS! I can survive wed. I can survive wed.

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12 Feb 2020

Today’s small wins:

  • Woke up before 12.
  • Got out of bed before 3
  • Got showered before 3
  • Got ready for food before 3
  • Resisted overblasting my crusty face

YES. Keep up the good work Jo.

Taking a day at a time.

The ongoing wuhan / corona virus is kinda scary here in Singapore. We’re a super dense city. Part of me is disappointed that the government did not take decisive action at the start of the episode and now theres community spread that cant be traced and its too late. Probably tons of asymptomatic people spreading the bug around now. Praying we’ll all make it thru tho.

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Flares & Mental Health

Today i woke up and felt totally crap. Didnt really sleep well last night, i didnt take any melatonin. My sleep is really better with melatonin.

I find it really hard to get out of bed.

I wake up in the morning and my face is totally crust over with yellow crusts and sometimes you feel something break and yellow ooze coming out. Totally disgusting right? IKR.

So often i lie in bed and procrastinate waking up. I surf twitter.. instagram, forums, reddit etc on my phone until 3pm. Cus its the time my parents get home from work and all the chaos start. So i gotta get out of bed and shower by 3pm. I usually wake up at 2pm and sit for 1hr then pop into the shower.

Shower doesnt hurt and sting as bad as for other people i think. I just hate looking for clothes. Often i cant find clothes to wear because… well cant blame my parents doing laundry for me. When theres sucha thick crust on your face, its those days where you just take comfort in blasting the showerhead in your face to soften and try to wash off the crust. Its what i should do right? Cant have my face stiff all over.. But i feel like im doing more damage to my skin. And i think i am right. I spend too much time washing off the scab. Sometimes i end up dripping blood off my face.

But today there is some small wins. I totally fking got out of bed and into the shower. What a winner. On difficult days past month, i sit and “try” to get the lymph outta my head for awhile but sometimes i get stuck to the PC. For like 2 hours. Its bullshit i know but i cant help it. GOD HALP!!  AND TODAY I WAS READY FOR FOOD WHEN FOOD CAME. Wins.

I thought today is already wednesday but omg, its only tuesday. Im split. On 1 hand i wanna go to that SHC consultation asap.. on the other hand, going out into the public with a raw and oozing face is just.. terrifying. All the coronavirus stuff going on, saying not to touch your face. HOW CAN I NOT?! FML. Im like wiping/dabbing ooze on my face every 5 seconds. I booked a grab to get me to the clinic…

Praying for my sanity.

 

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Feb 2020

So guys. Its been terribly long. But everytime im mentally reminded to come back here, its never a good sign..

Current situation

Flaring. On the face. My cheeks, forehead, nose area, and left bit of chin is red, raw and oozy. Some parts of ear and shoulders too.

What happened:

I left my job in Jan 2020 because things are just getting out of hand. I felt too stressed at work. I struggled with negotiating my contract and pay rise and all.. when i got them all i couldnt keep it.. Okay anyways, at that point, yeah, the flaring on my face is starting. I had this spot near my nose on my right cheek which bleed when i scratch and there was oozy crust on it. It just grew and grew and affected my whole right cheek now, which is spreading to my left cheek and also my forehead. Yay me. And day by day, its continuing to go further on my face/head. Yay. It made me so lost and depressed. Like usually when i get a flare episode, its like 2 weeks in hell and things will turn around. But since it spiralled downwards, its been like a month and im legit panicking like mad.

My period this month is exceptionally light. I have no idea what it means. Google tells me, perhaps i was stressed AF?

What im about to do next

It feels terrible, when you are debilitated and lose a part of yourself. Before i began “caving” myself, as my friends call it, I was super active. I played badminton every weekend. I met my friends. I dated(CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!)

I booked an appointment with Skin Health Centre sg (SHC) on thurs. Many people from a whatsapp TSW Support group have been going, and they seem happy with their improvements, so i guess i should try it.

To be perfectly honest, my mental health was rock bottom last week. Perhaps it was compounded by PMS. I feel really lost. I’ve been in TSW for 5 years. FIVE YEARS. You would think it would get easier and easier, but no. Every flare episode is just as hard. Its even harder this time because, i’ve tasted that sweet break. That sweet 6months break last year, where i could function like a fking normal person. I still felt fked over by TSW tho. Like 5 years of missing out on work experience. 5years is a fking lot of experience. People in their 30s would have like.. 7yrs of experience but im just like.. IM LIKE A FKING FRESH GRAD, WHOS UNEMPLOYED MORE THAN EMPLOYED THUS FAR. Yeah. Basically i felt like crap. I had to start at the bottom.

I was thinking to myself in bed and desperately trying to sleep with guided meditation. Its been 5 yrs.. its either i go back to steroids, since i cant find a good enough solution. Or i try SHC.. TCM no longer felt like a good way. It felt like TCM didnt do it. Despite it helping here and there thru this 4yrs+ journey. I couldnt take it and fessed to the group. The people there were so encouraging. I talked to JR and Bex who persuaded me to try SHC. The fact is, im pretty manageable everywhere else on my body except my face. Its perhaps wasted to give up 5yrs out of steroids.

But the thing thats been holding me back was the money. Its always been.. when i forced myself to go work last year, it was because of the money. My savings were all spent. Its ironic that im back at square 1 now. I promise myself my next step back into work, i would find a more sustainable solution and not be too hungry for money. Cus in the end if i spend all my savings back into treatment, its pointless. Right?

I just hope.. SHC gives me a way out of this darkness..

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Lost

I realise its been like 1 year since i last posted on this blog. I used to post everyday. Omg.

And exactly like 1 yr ago i had a face flare. Bingo. Now im having one too.

Gah. This is my place to come to count my blessings and take it one day at a time.

Pretty bad this time. Its so red and raw. Its like rock bottom. Horrible. You seriously forget your good and bad days so fast. One week of good skin day and you’re like “IM READY TO WORK FULLTIME NOW”. Then bam. flare. Vicious cycle all over.

Im so ready to work on my candida. I think my root of all evil is candida. Thru taking olive leaf extract past month the tcm finally says my “coat” on my tongue is gone. Good news as an indicator of damp! Also i noticed my finger legions were better.

I was also taking glutathione after much raves in the whatsapp group. Not much of any observation tho. I took 500mg daily up til… i couldnt take the upcoming flare anymore.

So i bought oregano oil extract, serrapeptase(overhyped i guess) to try. Who knew that i would be in sucha big slump now?

So my brother offered to cook me some pasta with gyoza and i ate it. It was full of chilli flakes and gyoza was pan-fried. Regret max. So i would say this flare took 2 weeks to build and explode.

I learnt quite abit past few months. First was the mad search about candida. Cos i realise i have this white discharge thats bothering me. It gets better when i take probiotics religiously. It must be some… bacteria thingo. So i tried olive leaf extract. Seemed to work. 2 weeks+ later its reduced.

Then i read about biofilms. And targetting the yeast. Enzymes. Serrapeptase. Serrapeptase tho. Its touted as anti inflammatory, blood cleansing etc but i guess its not the time to take it for me. I wonder if its the height of the flare or serrapeptase itself, but i oozed more when i took it during that short few days. But i did ooze alot even after i stopped taking it. That was when i recognised my flare.

I stopped olive leaf extracts midway when i read about TH1 and TH2 balance. Since i guess im TH2 and olive leaf extract worsens it. But hey i actually got better taking it. ????

And then i restarted. cos the discharges were back.

Fingers crossed that i will be recovering my sanity soon. So i can get back on track to trying the rest of conquering candida. I have Pau D’arco, oregano oil, olive leaf, digestive enzymes… gonna buy grapeseed extract and Syntol? Maybe candidase?

So also recently there was a stream on fb talking about it. It was by Grace and Ben. Ben’s approach to TSW was to 1. Detox better then eat better, then something about targetting specific eczema types. TBH i was impressed. I thought it would be full of loop holes here and there.

I have the oozy eczema, i am sensitive to heaty food, and i have histamine intolerance. Eating “good” is so hard. F all the high histamine food. All i see about healing this crap is bone f broth, which is high histamines that i cant eat. F.

Well back to the stream. It got me wondering and i was very interested to follow what Ben has to say. Then i read on the internet and talked to my tcm. Seems my tcm doesnt really put “detox” as what he recommends for first time TSW. Can understand why. Ben says in his stream that something about skin problems are indication of liver problems. So for it to get well it needs liver detox. Okay… I was reading around online and some websites said if you detox first and your gut is leaky, its only gonna make u feel even worse. This was what i didnt want when i started on my TSW journey. I didnt want to flare.

So how now, brown cow? I guess i should go back to working on healing abit of my gut again. AGAIN, i say. I felt like i havent made much progress this past 3 years. Its been 3++ years f dam it. When is my life crisis gonna be over? I have been too passive depending on my tcm for everything. ugh. I think tcm ultimately cant clear all the candida from my system. That period of time that was good was incidentally after a course of antibiotics. Boom. And then sometime later i had antibiotics flare. WTH. Now im not sure if antibiotics is good or bad. But just 1 conclusion: GUT BACTERIA.

So what im gonna do when im better from this raw face flare, is to try L-glutamine. Im taking 1~2 digestive enzymes during meals recently, so hopefully, less undigested food to aggravate my gut. and plz heal abit too.

I noticed it again tho. During periods of flare, my mental health can be down the drain. I feel especially jittery. Especially after meals. I can feel it. The surge. I dont know if its the heat of the food making me hot or the food nutrients itself. I get anxiety attacks too. Not the super serious kind but i can feel it. It makes me itch and then my body is tensed and sort of “spirals” from there. Gets worse. And i got to calm myself down. And during good times i dont get this feeling. During good times i seem to be able to handle stress better.

I raid(game) with my group at night and its just unfortunate that currently im in a period of flare. It reminded me of the last ultimate raid. You just want to stop and chill and not raid.

Can i talk about how bad my face is flaring? It drips ooze. The baddest-baddest-worst day: the ooze drips. Every few minutes. Its so raw and sensitive when any wind blows. How the f did i sleep? Yeah. How the F. Im reminded of the good times when my skin is intact and i could lie sideways to browse on my phone. Also i am reminded of the bad days where the ooze sliding down my face makes me jump awake and wipe it with towels. Gosh. Fingers crossed that this phase will be over soon. Past few days its been slowly getting better. Plz get better soon, my dear skin.

I forgot to mention that the start of this month my apartment block was painting and i realise my skin getting worse. But i didnt expect this tbh. My family painted the apartment interior and i survived with no flares. Is facade paint more toxic? :S The base coat smelled terrible. The colourful coat is less pungent.

I wonder if the jitters are histamine(neurotransmitter) related. Histamine from inflammation? Its not like my flare is from histamine rich bone broth. Its from chilli flakes i think. And maybe a over-indulgent month of coffee? SIGH. I was having lots of coffee before this flare happened. Then i stopped. Coffee seems to be contributory. Tis what my gut feels. But F ITS SO GOOD.

OK enough rants this time.

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Day 676 – 1yr 10mths – Miserable

I guess i can now say that my face flare started the moment i took the first course of antibiotics on 5 Nov 2016? Name of antibiotics: Amoxycilin and Clavid? (12 day?) 2nd course which helped a little: Zithromax (3 day only) Now that i look back, it was terrible, that period of time. I was kinda angry at the GP, and my GP had terrible queue times. GP denied that i might have a bad reaction to the drugs. I didnt know to believe him or what, because he just feels like hes pushing me to take the steroids.

It became a full flare around 7Nov, oozing lots of yellow. Its on both my cheeks, area around the lips and currently my forehead is also patchy. Even my ears and area near the ears is not spared. I woke up to crusted face daily. Miserable. Its kinda the first time i feel the classic TSW burning sensation. I needed to face the fan to cool my burning face -_-

On 17 Nov i went to my hospital’s Emergency department because i thought my arm looked like its eczema herpeticum. I sent a photo to my TCM and he said to go check it than wait. My arm looked like it has alot of bloody spots, so i thought it might be. After waiting a long time to be examined and all the mental stress, it was not. I asked for a confirmation or some test to run but they dont do it in the emergency department. -_- dang. But the doctor said the legions have a red base and pus. Oh well. Also asked the doc if he thinks antibiotics could give me a bad reaction. Doc disagrres. Oh well. Went home with anti histamines. I didnt want the steroids the doctor offered.

I talked to another fellow facebook TSW lady who had eczema herpeticum before and she said the spots hurt, ALOT. Mine are flat and dont hurt. So i guess its not.

My routine now: Wake up and go shower and wash off the yellow crust around lips and eyes. No excess rubbing other areas… Dry and tie hair up.

For the past 1 week, i have been taking the TCM’s herbs to clear the redness on my face. Well i guess there IS some improvements. My face seems to feel less swollen compared to the past week and oozing is reducing too. I hope im on the way to recovery. Im going back to see him again tomorrow.

Also during the past week i have been wet wrapping my arm. Naturopath suggested i do it and i didnt. Now im doing it. It does reduce my urge to scratch and due to less scratching during the night, it actually helps me to wake up and live earthly times. Currently i sleep around midnight (well i think i cant sleep due to wrecked adrenals and just flip around til sunrise, then sleep 6am – 12noon) then laze in bed abit then FINALLY wake up around 3pm. After shower its 4pm and well.. almost the day gone.

Im having a hard time not scratching my neck and ears during sleep -_- Its horrible. I start gently and before i know it, theres blood. -_- It makes me not wanna wake up and face the consequences in the morning. I have SUCHA HARD TIME waking up in the morning/afternoon.

Also, my scalp seems to be oozing/bleeding ( i cant see). Sigh.

I also noticed a “oozing cycle” during the day it seems. I shower when i wake, so.. not much i can say during the day. But i noticed that 6pm onwards (usually after i eat dinner), my face feels so damp and wet and oozy. Its just like a super humid feeling. Yucky. Well its consistent with TCM principles that during the day its more Yang(opposite of damp?) and at night, more Yin (damp/lubricating).

About the naturopath. I skipped this month’s appointment. I kinda feel like my naturopath isnt concerned about me 😦 Im like waiting buckets for her to get her glutamine gut healing supplement for me. Last appointment she said she will let me know, but now, 1 month later, still no news from her. Im thinking if i should just start eating L-glutamine myself -_- Im gonna wait another month or 2 before seeing her. Dont feel like leaving home with a red face. Having a face flare really is mentally draining 😦 Cant deny im alittle depressed. Talking about depressed, I talked with my sis and contemplated seeing a counsellor. But sigh. I guess its not the right time since i really cant be bothered to leave house…

Also mum seems to be nagging and nagging me to apply something on my face. I havent been applying anything on it. Its so red and raw! I only apply zinc oxide on my ears and forehead, neck. I dont really wanna apply it on my cheeks and around my lips. :S Its kinda hard to wash off. Mum doesnt get it that things need to run its course ~_~ There is no miracle cure! F! Talking about such people makes me super mad. Okay end.

My weight has been going down again. Now im like hovering below 50kg.

Stuff im using now: Desitin 40%, snake powder (with menthol) (Doesnt feel like its working as well now)

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Day 595 – 1yr 7mths + – Salicylate Flaring?

I’ve been miserable! The past week was terrible and til now its still kinda terrible.

I wonder if its a salicylate overload flaring? On Monday, right after i posted the previous post, that night i cut the box of icecream mooncakes which i bought and ate a small piece of it. It was a durian mooncake and strawberry moon cake. I ate 1/4 of the strawberry mooncake and 1/8 of the durian mooncakes. According to my TCM, durians are food that makes people flare. Well its 1/8 and its not even the VERY real kind where u can taste the fibre and stuff.

Then it was downhills afters. The next day, my right cheek got a reddish patch. I woke up and kinda panicked. It was alittle oozy. But it remained that way (dry) for the week.

I suspected the green/mung beans. But it seems to NOT be the flare candidate. Its low salicylate and low oxalate. I read abit on beans (since the last flare involved a coincidental? chick pea) and found both chick peas and mung beans to be low oxalate too. What is it then? Sweet potatoes? Maybe. It was a new food. Its medium in oxalate as i read.

I also ate quite afew slices of watermelon, now that i remember. It was a “High” salicylate fruit. But so is tumeric, which i have also increased eating recently(for decreased inflammation).

Sigh. Today i searched abit online and found people talking about histidine and salicylate sensitivity. BUMMER! Im trying so hard to eat vegan and thus, i believe my amino acids levels is lower than eating meat daily on every meal. Meat is inflammatory, Sigh. What im really trying to do is eat without my body freaking out. I just wanna calm it so that it can concentrate on healing!

Need to bump up protein yet cant eat meat… Need to heal/lower salicylate sensitivity yet maintain low inflammation…

Yesterday night i was writing out my diet points for my TCM to send to a naturopath and i realise i have a shit ton of sensitivities! Probably even more.

I react to: bone broth, gelatin supplements, b complex supplements, salmon, egg, milk?, yogurt, butter, cheese, deli meats like ham, pepperoni, stir fried cucumbers, guava & plum powder, coconut water, prawn…

During my flarish period on friday i bought a cup of green tea with tapioca pearls to drink. I think i also reacted to that. Apparently tea is high in oxalate. Or maybe its just my flaring itch. I’ve been having day time itches! Usually i dont itch during day time. Maybe a light scratch but past week was madness. I will scratch and scratch my arm/fingers and get some bleed marks 😦

Fingers crossed. I hope my condition improves.

Problem areas:

Neck, left arm especially, chest, right palm & fingers, near toe area on both feet, right calf patch…

Sleep is still sane enough, thankfully.

What i ate today:

Brunch: Slice of papaya, Rice vermicelli with bean sprouts, cauli flower, cabbage

Yesterday:

Breakfast: Rice with bitter gourd, cabbage?

Dinner: sweet sour tomato sauce pork, stir fried rice strips (hor fun) and cup of barley

Sat:

Breakfast: chocolate matcha bun from Johan, fish dumplings with meepok noodles, tea without sugar

Dinner: Rice with long beans, cauliflower, cabbage (i think)