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Lost

I realise its been like 1 year since i last posted on this blog. I used to post everyday. Omg.

And exactly like 1 yr ago i had a face flare. Bingo. Now im having one too.

Gah. This is my place to come to count my blessings and take it one day at a time.

Pretty bad this time. Its so red and raw. Its like rock bottom. Horrible. You seriously forget your good and bad days so fast. One week of good skin day and you’re like “IM READY TO WORK FULLTIME NOW”. Then bam. flare. Vicious cycle all over.

Im so ready to work on my candida. I think my root of all evil is candida. Thru taking olive leaf extract past month the tcm finally says my “coat” on my tongue is gone. Good news as an indicator of damp! Also i noticed my finger legions were better.

I was also taking glutathione after much raves in the whatsapp group. Not much of any observation tho. I took 500mg daily up til… i couldnt take the upcoming flare anymore.

So i bought oregano oil extract, serrapeptase(overhyped i guess) to try. Who knew that i would be in sucha big slump now?

So my brother offered to cook me some pasta with gyoza and i ate it. It was full of chilli flakes and gyoza was pan-fried. Regret max. So i would say this flare took 2 weeks to build and explode.

I learnt quite abit past few months. First was the mad search about candida. Cos i realise i have this white discharge thats bothering me. It gets better when i take probiotics religiously. It must be some… bacteria thingo. So i tried olive leaf extract. Seemed to work. 2 weeks+ later its reduced.

Then i read about biofilms. And targetting the yeast. Enzymes. Serrapeptase. Serrapeptase tho. Its touted as anti inflammatory, blood cleansing etc but i guess its not the time to take it for me. I wonder if its the height of the flare or serrapeptase itself, but i oozed more when i took it during that short few days. But i did ooze alot even after i stopped taking it. That was when i recognised my flare.

I stopped olive leaf extracts midway when i read about TH1 and TH2 balance. Since i guess im TH2 and olive leaf extract worsens it. But hey i actually got better taking it. ????

And then i restarted. cos the discharges were back.

Fingers crossed that i will be recovering my sanity soon. So i can get back on track to trying the rest of conquering candida. I have Pau D’arco, oregano oil, olive leaf, digestive enzymes… gonna buy grapeseed extract and Syntol? Maybe candidase?

So also recently there was a stream on fb talking about it. It was by Grace and Ben. Ben’s approach to TSW was to 1. Detox better then eat better, then something about targetting specific eczema types. TBH i was impressed. I thought it would be full of loop holes here and there.

I have the oozy eczema, i am sensitive to heaty food, and i have histamine intolerance. Eating “good” is so hard. F all the high histamine food. All i see about healing this crap is bone f broth, which is high histamines that i cant eat. F.

Well back to the stream. It got me wondering and i was very interested to follow what Ben has to say. Then i read on the internet and talked to my tcm. Seems my tcm doesnt really put “detox” as what he recommends for first time TSW. Can understand why. Ben says in his stream that something about skin problems are indication of liver problems. So for it to get well it needs liver detox. Okay… I was reading around online and some websites said if you detox first and your gut is leaky, its only gonna make u feel even worse. This was what i didnt want when i started on my TSW journey. I didnt want to flare.

So how now, brown cow? I guess i should go back to working on healing abit of my gut again. AGAIN, i say. I felt like i havent made much progress this past 3 years. Its been 3++ years f dam it. When is my life crisis gonna be over? I have been too passive depending on my tcm for everything. ugh. I think tcm ultimately cant clear all the candida from my system. That period of time that was good was incidentally after a course of antibiotics. Boom. And then sometime later i had antibiotics flare. WTH. Now im not sure if antibiotics is good or bad. But just 1 conclusion: GUT BACTERIA.

So what im gonna do when im better from this raw face flare, is to try L-glutamine. Im taking 1~2 digestive enzymes during meals recently, so hopefully, less undigested food to aggravate my gut. and plz heal abit too.

I noticed it again tho. During periods of flare, my mental health can be down the drain. I feel especially jittery. Especially after meals. I can feel it. The surge. I dont know if its the heat of the food making me hot or the food nutrients itself. I get anxiety attacks too. Not the super serious kind but i can feel it. It makes me itch and then my body is tensed and sort of “spirals” from there. Gets worse. And i got to calm myself down. And during good times i dont get this feeling. During good times i seem to be able to handle stress better.

I raid(game) with my group at night and its just unfortunate that currently im in a period of flare. It reminded me of the last ultimate raid. You just want to stop and chill and not raid.

Can i talk about how bad my face is flaring? It drips ooze. The baddest-baddest-worst day: the ooze drips. Every few minutes. Its so raw and sensitive when any wind blows. How the f did i sleep? Yeah. How the F. Im reminded of the good times when my skin is intact and i could lie sideways to browse on my phone. Also i am reminded of the bad days where the ooze sliding down my face makes me jump awake and wipe it with towels. Gosh. Fingers crossed that this phase will be over soon. Past few days its been slowly getting better. Plz get better soon, my dear skin.

I forgot to mention that the start of this month my apartment block was painting and i realise my skin getting worse. But i didnt expect this tbh. My family painted the apartment interior and i survived with no flares. Is facade paint more toxic? :S The base coat smelled terrible. The colourful coat is less pungent.

I wonder if the jitters are histamine(neurotransmitter) related. Histamine from inflammation? Its not like my flare is from histamine rich bone broth. Its from chilli flakes i think. And maybe a over-indulgent month of coffee? SIGH. I was having lots of coffee before this flare happened. Then i stopped. Coffee seems to be contributory. Tis what my gut feels. But F ITS SO GOOD.

OK enough rants this time.

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Day 676 – 1yr 10mths – Miserable

I guess i can now say that my face flare started the moment i took the first course of antibiotics on 5 Nov 2016? Name of antibiotics: Amoxycilin and Clavid? (12 day?) 2nd course which helped a little: Zithromax (3 day only) Now that i look back, it was terrible, that period of time. I was kinda angry at the GP, and my GP had terrible queue times. GP denied that i might have a bad reaction to the drugs. I didnt know to believe him or what, because he just feels like hes pushing me to take the steroids.

It became a full flare around 7Nov, oozing lots of yellow. Its on both my cheeks, area around the lips and currently my forehead is also patchy. Even my ears and area near the ears is not spared. I woke up to crusted face daily. Miserable. Its kinda the first time i feel the classic TSW burning sensation. I needed to face the fan to cool my burning face -_-

On 17 Nov i went to my hospital’s Emergency department because i thought my arm looked like its eczema herpeticum. I sent a photo to my TCM and he said to go check it than wait. My arm looked like it has alot of bloody spots, so i thought it might be. After waiting a long time to be examined and all the mental stress, it was not. I asked for a confirmation or some test to run but they dont do it in the emergency department. -_- dang. But the doctor said the legions have a red base and pus. Oh well. Also asked the doc if he thinks antibiotics could give me a bad reaction. Doc disagrres. Oh well. Went home with anti histamines. I didnt want the steroids the doctor offered.

I talked to another fellow facebook TSW lady who had eczema herpeticum before and she said the spots hurt, ALOT. Mine are flat and dont hurt. So i guess its not.

My routine now: Wake up and go shower and wash off the yellow crust around lips and eyes. No excess rubbing other areas… Dry and tie hair up.

For the past 1 week, i have been taking the TCM’s herbs to clear the redness on my face. Well i guess there IS some improvements. My face seems to feel less swollen compared to the past week and oozing is reducing too. I hope im on the way to recovery. Im going back to see him again tomorrow.

Also during the past week i have been wet wrapping my arm. Naturopath suggested i do it and i didnt. Now im doing it. It does reduce my urge to scratch and due to less scratching during the night, it actually helps me to wake up and live earthly times. Currently i sleep around midnight (well i think i cant sleep due to wrecked adrenals and just flip around til sunrise, then sleep 6am – 12noon) then laze in bed abit then FINALLY wake up around 3pm. After shower its 4pm and well.. almost the day gone.

Im having a hard time not scratching my neck and ears during sleep -_- Its horrible. I start gently and before i know it, theres blood. -_- It makes me not wanna wake up and face the consequences in the morning. I have SUCHA HARD TIME waking up in the morning/afternoon.

Also, my scalp seems to be oozing/bleeding ( i cant see). Sigh.

I also noticed a “oozing cycle” during the day it seems. I shower when i wake, so.. not much i can say during the day. But i noticed that 6pm onwards (usually after i eat dinner), my face feels so damp and wet and oozy. Its just like a super humid feeling. Yucky. Well its consistent with TCM principles that during the day its more Yang(opposite of damp?) and at night, more Yin (damp/lubricating).

About the naturopath. I skipped this month’s appointment. I kinda feel like my naturopath isnt concerned about me 😦 Im like waiting buckets for her to get her glutamine gut healing supplement for me. Last appointment she said she will let me know, but now, 1 month later, still no news from her. Im thinking if i should just start eating L-glutamine myself -_- Im gonna wait another month or 2 before seeing her. Dont feel like leaving home with a red face. Having a face flare really is mentally draining 😦 Cant deny im alittle depressed. Talking about depressed, I talked with my sis and contemplated seeing a counsellor. But sigh. I guess its not the right time since i really cant be bothered to leave house…

Also mum seems to be nagging and nagging me to apply something on my face. I havent been applying anything on it. Its so red and raw! I only apply zinc oxide on my ears and forehead, neck. I dont really wanna apply it on my cheeks and around my lips. :S Its kinda hard to wash off. Mum doesnt get it that things need to run its course ~_~ There is no miracle cure! F! Talking about such people makes me super mad. Okay end.

My weight has been going down again. Now im like hovering below 50kg.

Stuff im using now: Desitin 40%, snake powder (with menthol) (Doesnt feel like its working as well now)

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Day 595 – 1yr 7mths + – Salicylate Flaring?

I’ve been miserable! The past week was terrible and til now its still kinda terrible.

I wonder if its a salicylate overload flaring? On Monday, right after i posted the previous post, that night i cut the box of icecream mooncakes which i bought and ate a small piece of it. It was a durian mooncake and strawberry moon cake. I ate 1/4 of the strawberry mooncake and 1/8 of the durian mooncakes. According to my TCM, durians are food that makes people flare. Well its 1/8 and its not even the VERY real kind where u can taste the fibre and stuff.

Then it was downhills afters. The next day, my right cheek got a reddish patch. I woke up and kinda panicked. It was alittle oozy. But it remained that way (dry) for the week.

I suspected the green/mung beans. But it seems to NOT be the flare candidate. Its low salicylate and low oxalate. I read abit on beans (since the last flare involved a coincidental? chick pea) and found both chick peas and mung beans to be low oxalate too. What is it then? Sweet potatoes? Maybe. It was a new food. Its medium in oxalate as i read.

I also ate quite afew slices of watermelon, now that i remember. It was a “High” salicylate fruit. But so is tumeric, which i have also increased eating recently(for decreased inflammation).

Sigh. Today i searched abit online and found people talking about histidine and salicylate sensitivity. BUMMER! Im trying so hard to eat vegan and thus, i believe my amino acids levels is lower than eating meat daily on every meal. Meat is inflammatory, Sigh. What im really trying to do is eat without my body freaking out. I just wanna calm it so that it can concentrate on healing!

Need to bump up protein yet cant eat meat… Need to heal/lower salicylate sensitivity yet maintain low inflammation…

Yesterday night i was writing out my diet points for my TCM to send to a naturopath and i realise i have a shit ton of sensitivities! Probably even more.

I react to: bone broth, gelatin supplements, b complex supplements, salmon, egg, milk?, yogurt, butter, cheese, deli meats like ham, pepperoni, stir fried cucumbers, guava & plum powder, coconut water, prawn…

During my flarish period on friday i bought a cup of green tea with tapioca pearls to drink. I think i also reacted to that. Apparently tea is high in oxalate. Or maybe its just my flaring itch. I’ve been having day time itches! Usually i dont itch during day time. Maybe a light scratch but past week was madness. I will scratch and scratch my arm/fingers and get some bleed marks 😦

Fingers crossed. I hope my condition improves.

Problem areas:

Neck, left arm especially, chest, right palm & fingers, near toe area on both feet, right calf patch…

Sleep is still sane enough, thankfully.

What i ate today:

Brunch: Slice of papaya, Rice vermicelli with bean sprouts, cauli flower, cabbage

Yesterday:

Breakfast: Rice with bitter gourd, cabbage?

Dinner: sweet sour tomato sauce pork, stir fried rice strips (hor fun) and cup of barley

Sat:

Breakfast: chocolate matcha bun from Johan, fish dumplings with meepok noodles, tea without sugar

Dinner: Rice with long beans, cauliflower, cabbage (i think)

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Day 91 – be hopeful

Skin is in a wreck. A bad flare episode can really break you. If you let it. Its making me want to take next week off work. But bleh, i cant… 

What i ate today: 

Breakfast/lunch: small organic apple, some rice crackers, fish soup with rice (bought from downstairs coffee shop) 

Dinner: some horfun(rice strips) with alittle meat and coconut water

Skin is spotty today like yesterday. My leg is so very bad. The weather is hot. In the end i didnt go out to buy my fitness tracker. And i dont think i wanna go take a walk tomorrow morning in state. I cant wait for my skin to heal -_- or be alittle better. I need some hope…

  

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Day 90 – flare? :S

my skin is terrible today. It is so red. I hope its cos of my period approaching n subsides soon -_- did i eat something wrong?

What i ate today:

Breakfast: 3 rice cakes with pickled radish

Lunch: fried fish fillet with rice and veg

Dinner: afew bites of pork rib and melon soup