Yesterday Grace did my treatment again. Jay hasnt treated me for like 3 weeks in a row :S
Nothing much came up. I went for treatment and went home.
Yesterday night was particularly uncomfy. I guess there is no more waterfall ooze from my cheeks, but the patch on my neck and my shoulders is bothering me. My shoulder patch is getting irritating and feels worse.
Also the number of growing patches on my legs is worrying. I think its my diet. I’ve been eating way too loose and uncontrolled.
Yesterday after treatment i went to Pioneer Mall giant supermarket to buy celery. Bummer. The supermarket is having some kinda of renovation and i smell silicone all over. I hope i dont get a reaction from it, especially this exposure right after treatment..
Also the weather has been kinda hot lately. Ugh.
ALSO MY MOOD. Im so sluggish. I woke up at 2pm or so today. Got out of bed at 3. I hate this. I need to wake up earlier. And sleep earlier. I mean now the sleep PTSD is getting lesser but still..
Past few weeks i have been eating antihistamine in bid to fix my sleep timing but i have been unsuccessful. Its too much to eat antihistamine twice in a row.
Also i tried Fedac, piriton but those does nothing for me. I hardly feel drowsy. FML. Atarax is the only one that works for me, and i take 25mg
I’ve been neglecting this blog.
So much thoughts on my head, but past few weeks i havent been updating.
Tomorrow marks the end of my 2nd set of treatment. IKR. I THOUGHT I WILL BE HEALED BY THEN BUT NO. This past 3 months is just clearing up more of the infection. And i think i still have lingering infection. My face is not clear yet.
To be honest i am concerned if my condition will get worse if i stop the treatment. Because i feel like currently its not THAT stable yet? I feel like my condition is propped stable by antibiotics. Which, i only have afew days left and i need to lie to get more again. Ugh. I hate. I legit hate this part. SHC cant help me with dealing with my infection…
Grace did my treatment. What a change from Jay, because i feel like Jay does the treatment more aggressively. Pros and cons, i feel like Grace treated the sensitive area near my eye more while Jay only went over it like 2 or 3 times.. No pain no gain i guess.
The state of my skin
I feel like more and more patches are emerging.. Im seriously wondering if i should go back to tcm.. I felt like TCM gave me that 1year great break.
- face crusting thinly overall.
- Forehead / chin has little patches
- right eye is currently having some oozing. The eye area Ugh.
- Right cheek is more crusty than left cheek.
- Left ear kinda flaking and bleeds lightly sometimes due to scratching
- Right ear is good except lobe area and just outside the ear, there is small patch of crusting
- Neck.. on and off weak skin?
- Collarbone.. right patch worse than left..
- Thighs have some patches of red. More on right thigh
- Calves: Right calve’s patch is more and bigger than left. Left there is some scattered patches near old big wound area…
I got lazy again. But week 19 and 20 has been great. There was lots of improvements. And this week the crusting on my face reduce again.
But then it seems im getting more patches elsewhere… those patches are getting worse.. Ugh :S My thigh has 2 new spots. And they are itchy. And my left calve thats been so calm, is having spots. I hope they are not gonna start oozing like the right side.
I reach SHC and was talking to Jay. He asked me about my fingers, i just told him that i suspect that its contact dermatitis with my phone(the culprit). I observe that when im not working im using my phone alot. And sure enough alot of the problem spots on my palm and finger coincide with contact points between the phone case. I always cradle my phone a certain way with my fingers and the spots just coincide. So it must be it. So i told Jay that probably is my phone, but i did clean it but still, idk why. I told him i clean with wet wipes. He said i should not, the allergens probably agitated my skin. Well… then we went on to talk about how i should even minimise using antibacterial handwash, because the chemicals, after washing my hands, might transfer to my face when i touch it. And detergent dishes soap is even worse. I have been washing dishes when my fingers are fine, to be less of a burden at home.. but i guess i should just reduce.
So this week, i really didnt wash much dishes AT ALL. I feel kinda guilty, but its okay i guess. For the sake of healing. But then this week my fingers were on and off bad.
Also this week i’ve been eating atarax 20mg for some days. It was great to sleep thru the night and do less damage to my skin.
YES I SURVIVED TREATMENT NIGHT. Lol. This never gets old. I always consider it a feat to survive it. It just feels like the pit after each treatment can be deep and unpredictable.
But i guess last night wasnt the worst. Sure, i woke up with my right cheek fully crusted. Scratched my neck. Tissued my ear.. Thankfully i could shower and clean them all.
I had a nice chat with my sister in the evening. Idk.. its comforting and feels great to be conversing with someone. I guess im experiencing cabin fever?
Im blue again today. Whhyyyy???
I feel like im flaring. Im getting spots on my back, on my thighs and arms! It feels like my itchy scalp is probably also oozing. And the insides of my elbows.. *screams* Ugh. I’ve been thinking what happened. Stress probably?
This morning my left cheek isnt super crusty, but ugh, im just tired of my left ear… I tried to clean it with saline. Then cleaned the cheek and tzone. I dont know why im super blue today compared to other days this week. WHY? Is my gut bacteria not in equilibrium? But i ate probiotics and im currently not on antibiotics..
I think tomorrow im not gonna buy woobbee bubble tea. I think caffeine isnt that good for me at the moment. I need to chill my nerves. I might still dropby to get a waffle tho…
I know i can be super grateful that my face has tumbled back into full blown bad bacteria infection from this break in antibiotics. I dont know. I even have problems waking up in the morning. It takes so much to get out of bed when im awake, then so much to step into the shower.
I received Vincent’s Joomo body wash and liposomal magnesium. Bad timing.. Should i try the magnesium tonight? Hmm..
- inside elbows (right mainly, left has a small patch)
- Base of neck slightly
- Chest getting rough and bumps
- Lower back rough and bumps
- Thighs spots rough and bumps
- Left calves 3 small spots and 1 of them big oozer. They are red and raised
- Right calves outside 2 spots, sometimes dry
- Left sole of feet spot
- Right sole of feet spot and 1 spot at ankle cracked
- Right ankle 1 persistent oozing raw spot
- Face – Cheeks(right is more crusty than left), tzone
- Left ear – very raw
- Right ear – ear lobe problematic
- Neck – 1 spot red raised and oozy
But well.. today’s small win is that i washed and cleaned 3 bags of celery. WAY TO GO JO! I guess i try to do stuff when my fingers are less raw.
I feel like im losing it. I know i have alot to be grateful about but i dont know why im feeling this way. I have been taking my probiotics too tho. Is it the PTSD? The post menses blues?? Gut bacteria disporia? I feel like having to tape a saline water bottle to my tzone before i sleep is kinda triggering me.
Anyway i woke up and i scratched my left ear again. No surprise. And after shower i also scratched it while im drying off. UGH HELPPPPP. I really have no idea how to properly take care of my fking ear. Im so defeated, i feel.
I also feel my left ear is more oozy than last week. Especially the other side. Well Jay did zap the other side last treatment.
I woke up today and my left cheek is quite clear. Its a great feeling.
I chosed to shower today. I have been asking Jay if i can shower more frequently for ages, i just didnt dare to do it, fearing it will disrupt my face’s healing. I scratched abit while in the shower. It feels too orgasmic. I felt like i did damage to my face while in the shower but ugh, too late for regrets.
I ordered ninefresh today again, with jasmine green tea. Food is soothing for me. Its bad that i rely on food to sooth myself. I feel like caffeine is bad for me. Ugh i just wanna heal. Will i be issued antibiotics next week??
Also, my tzone feels so itchy today. ARGH. And i feel like my neck and chest is getting bumpy and starting to get itchy.
My last doxycycline antibiotics ended on thursday. And today is saturday. I woke up today with golden crust on my face. I think it was not that bad tbh. Left cheek crusting was sparse.
To be honest, there is alot that i can be thankful for. Its just afew weeks ago that my face was so heavy crusted and that around my mouth too, and i couldnt eat properly. Now i can eat properly and make all kind of facial expressions, i should be super thankful that im out of that rut right? Its so easy to forget the journey and how far you have come. You just want more and more!
I am feeling kinda terrible because the face and ear is kinda wet. The weather is rainy, which doesnt help much. But i complain when its too sunny and hot. and complain too when its gloomy and rainy. What do you want, Jo?! @#$ IKR. Bummer.
I feel like i might be flaring? I notice that im getting more spots on my legs and the patch on my right elbow has been getting worse. Is it the stress from game raiding past week? Hmmm. I admit that when im into it, i get very hardcore. Theres no middle ground for it. Either you go hard at it or nah. When you game, you just get so tensed and stressed, you cant be like, “i just wanna get 50% stressed”. Doesnt happen.
The situation with my ear is pretty terrible. And i gotta say my sleep clock too. Its terrible… I feel like im having night sleeping anxiety. I hate it when it gets dark and its about time to sleep (Again). It gives me anxiety. I worry about scratching my ears raw, as i have done like SOO OFTEN. As much as i try to stop myself, i cant. I just want to like rub it real hard to get rid of that itch and then regret it as it recovers. My right ear is actually better (less the ear lobe) and left ear is totally terrible. Its like a light light scratch could send it bleeding.
I realised that i skipped last week’s post. TBH #15 was pretty good. Jay was saying that #15, my skin was the best since i started with SHC. Lmao. I guess the antibiotics clindamycin was working its wonders. Last week was actually quite good while i am on that. And afew days after treatment, there were quite abit of pimples. This is new. considering most days i just get alot of ooze. Jay also said during treatment that im probably not gonna ooze alot. Which was true. I slept and woke up, theres ooze on my face but its okay. Washed em off in the shower in the morning. TBH i felt great after #15 because Jay’s feedback was so positive. Really felt a rock was lifted off me hearing it.
But last week i couldnt sleep well and kinda felt jittery? I think i’ve been having too much caffeine. And also last week i could finally regain some normalcy? I wore my specs and gamed for reals. I told my sister that i felt slightly normal again.
Also last week i cheated too much. Ate 2 fried spicy drumlets, a small portion of KFC drumstick and my body doesnt agree with me. My tongue was in pain SO MUCH despite spamming coconut water. Today its slightly better. At least i could lift and move it. Past few days it was so painful i could hardly talk. It still hurts when i talk today tho.
So today i went for treatment and Jay wants me to stop the antibiotics for abit. FINGERS CROSSED THAT MY CONDITION DOESNT DIP. But anyway i think imma gonna see more ooze. My cheeks are way better the last 2 weeks, my face is good, elastic, i can make all kinds of expressions without feeling the ooze/crust pull on my face. Even the jawline is oozing less. I get spots of pimples tho. My doxycycline is gonna finish the day after tomorrow. Ugh. Fingers crossed. I feel like my right cheek is still kinda bad, but not as bad as before.
Today Jay also said hes using max laser power on my face. IDK whats gonna happen. It does feel like my face is more fragile than before after treatment. But idk if its a real feeling or that im just extra sensitive.
So i’ve taken 5 days of the new antibiotic clindamycin and this afternoon i went back to the GP at clementi as she has requested, for her to take a look at my skin..
I didnt think anything drastic has changed since my last visit. I went back anyways and told her frankly that i didnt think it will clear in 5 days. But anyway i told her i felt better this week since my cheeks kinda ooze less. I think it oozed alittle less. Not by alot but.. i think its abit less. So she gave me another 5 days worth of antibiotics. I think this would be my last visit already. She said that its unlikely that its an infection since i’ve been on antibiotics for soooo long. I feel like i agree. She was saying steriods will dry it all up. I agree. Miracle steroids. But i dont want it. She was saying the patch on my forehead is probably a mix of eczema. Because eczema also oozes. This visit she was saying i should apply desowen(steroids) on my face. I remb previous visits she said i should not :S This time she said desowen should be fine. But anyways, i dont have desowen. Ugh. I dont know whats gonna happen after i finish my antibiotics. I probably still need them but where do i find them?
I’ve been so grateful that this 2 weeks? that my skin around my mouth is slightly better and i can eat whatever i wanted and yawn and sneeze and make any facial expressions i wanted.
I actually am feeling abit bummed now. I wonder if its the microbes again? Do i need to up my probiotics again? I’ve been wondering what are the things i’ve been feeling for the past few days. Is it PMS cramps? My period’s been gone for 3months. I guess from stress and weightloss last 3 months. For the past 3 month where my face was so heavily crusted, i’ve been eating nothing but 2 meals a day and chicken or pork porridge. Its sad. I lost more than 3kg. I weighed myself last week? or so and found, wow, okay i’ve lost some weight.
Tomorrow’s treatment eve and i pray for another good treatment..
YES. I survived treatment night.
It did not ooze waterfall last night, because i think it only started at night. I observe that usually after treatment, the ooze is slightly different, theres ooze and some blood in the crust. But then sleep wise, i didnt sleep well at all. I couldnt sleep. Might be due to anxiety post treatment.. theres always the waterfall ooze PTSD. I was awake like 3am+ I found myself rubbing my left ear and had to sit up for abit. Then lie down again.
So when i woke up, the crust was not alot, which i felt great about. But then i ate breakfast and after that, it totally started to ooze alot. Got a shock, not gonna lie and decided to take a shower to wash it all off.
So i washed all the crust off. As Jay advises. I blasted the shower head in my face. Felt SO GOOD OMG. I feel way better after shower. Applied CRC & antibiotics cream, and its been good so far.
Then i tried to soak using saline. Im so surprised that it works wonders. So i soak this square of cotton pad with saline and stuck it on my tzone, that patch of oozing infected area. And after 5mins, it stopped oozing yellow! Im so surprised. Til now in the evening, it remains clear and no ooze! wow. I dont know if its the new antibiotics that worked or that saline method did help it dry. Also, i tried this method again on the eyelid and beside the tzone. Worked again.
Theres also this new patch above the left eye that oozed abit today. FML i think i spread the infection there -_- I felt something under the skin there for some time already, but it didnt ooze until today.
I am having so much trouble, trying not to touch my tzone & face. The infected areas legit are itchy and makes me wanna touch and soothe them. The patch on my right calf too. Its like open and raw. FML.
Praying for good healing.