Day 851 – 2 yr 4mths – Rage

Today, i feel like i have so much rage inside me. I rage so easily. GDI, why? Its friday!

Im usually a mellow person, so have short temper is not acceptable. I found that i had so much rage inside me. Is it the anti histamine that i ate last night? I ate anti histamine last night. Its a Dexchlorpheiramine Maleate 6mg. My face has been getting so bad. Thought a good night’s sleep might reverse it. The anti histamine made me drowsy.

I remb sitting on the bus and going “im so mellow and arms feel so heavy”. Then i realised its the anti histamine effect. But i too felt so rage inside me. Like i was frustrated about the weather? sweating etc? Why its so hot and why i need to go to work? I mean i hate work but its not me to be pissed off about that. I dont usually rage like this. I realise, that compared to other people, i seem to be more self aware about my own rage? I mean, some people RAGE and they dont realise that “its not the usual them”. I feel like i know myself well enough to recognise it, hahaha. Im so familiar with PMS rage and histamine rage.

There is “histamine rage”. A year back i drank bone broth and wow, felt so angry afters. Naturopath said histamine is a neurotransmitter? which could be aggravating it. Today when i googled anti histamine, apparently the one i ate is the “old kind” which crosses the blood brain barrier and messes with the histamine in your head. Histamine controls the “wakefulness” or something and thats why it makes you sleepy when you take one.

Day 848 – 2y 3mths+ – Been away for awhile!

I just realise my last post was 5 months ago in Dec16. I’ve been lazy!

State of my skin now: All clear except face(chin legions, above lips), ears, left arm inside of elbow, right side of neck, fingers and some dry peely soles? It is super manageable compared to my worst days.

Sleep: Good enough

So much time has past. Just last month my skin was SO GOOD. Now its not so good. But still good considering what i have been thru. Nov/Dec16 was terrible. I cant remember how hopeless and terrible i felt during then. And how i got thru it. My face was oozing. OOZING. LOTS. I felt like crying. It was so uncomfortable. Thankfully for TCM, it improved my quality of life by alot during then. By Jan i was slightly better. Somewhere between Jan-Mar i think i felt alittle down. Just down. I wonder why. Was it the lack of exercise? No idea. APR17 was a very good month. So good that i went back to TCM and also restarted my naturopathy with Dr Radhika .

Naturopathy

I’ve been skipping my medicine 😦 I havent even started on everything that she gave me 😦 Sigh. All this unstable skin. I tried the pellets that im supposed to take 3 times a week and the first dose kinda was the start of the bad stuff. I wonder if its directly attributive or just bad timing. 😦

TCM

I just saw the TCM last sat because i felt the skin on my face worsening. I feel im full of damp. My face feels swollen, i kinda have some kinda brain fog? Must be the daily coffee(guilty of drinking too much coffee that month)? and fastfood?

Life

I started a new zumba class(finally after like 6 months of break?) with a new instructor. It feels good to be dancing again! Its kinda hard to resume things after you’ve taken a break. I absolutely love and miss my monday zumba class and until now, i’m still trying to find motivation to register and go back to it 😦

Work Considerations…

My skin was so good last month that i seriously contemplated to rejoin the workforce full time. And look. Now its got worse again. Every fking time i seriously consider working again, my skin takes a toll. Unconscious stress huh? I think so. All that anxiety. ANXIETY IS REAL GUYS! Im anxious. About what reason to give for that gap in employment. When i went to sweep tomb, my relative asked what im doing in life, and i said im working part time. Then they asked why im not working full time. It hits me so hard. I know im not obligated to tell them, but since its my relative, they can fking judge me, i dont care. I told them my skin is giving my trouble. But then, it reminds me that someday in an interview, i have to fight this devil. I have to lie in a way or another about this. It gives me nagging stress in the back of my mind. I was thinking if i shud tell them i went for a detox or say im doing my relatives a solid. Sigh. I guess i have to give a go and see how the employers take it. I have good friends and they’ve been nagging at me (nicely) to just try and find work. 1 of them is a cancer survivor. If they can do it, so can i right?

I miss having money. LOL. My sister is holidaying away in Japan right now and i wish i had the money to go along with her. Seriously. Sigh but then im worried about my skin if i work fulltime. Its soul sucking. Im anxious about waking early. Can i wake up early? I can hardly get out of bed now. I wake up at a luxurious 10am. If i plan to work full time, i think i need to wake up 6am latest. I wonder if i can take all the anxiety of sleeping properly and waking by 6am. And breakfast. Breakfast is a bitch. I try to minimise gluten now, So my breakfast options are so fking limited. What can i fking eat? Ugh.