Moods

Feelings are always a complex problem.

Just 2 weeks ago i was part of an epic family drama with my siblings. Was TSW to blame? I dont know. I feel that part of the mood equation has to do with gut microbes. Theres plenty of research and websites talking about it. And also mercury retrograde. Its a weird concept. Maybe it was part of it.

So TSW aside, i have always observed myself and my own moods from time to time. Truth be told, i always felt a spike in my bitchiness 1 or 2 weeks before my period. Everyone knows about PMS. But does every women admit their mood swings are PMS related? No!

Personally i feel it and i can tell, sometimes its my PMS monster at work when i get agitated that people cut my queue, or behavior by certain people that irritates me during this period, like playing their videos loudly. Normally im uber chill and dont give a flying f about it. I notice this and i feel helpless and frustrated about it.

Uncle cuts my queue paying for her begawan solo kuehs?

Normal times: I dont give a damn, Chill! just let him pay first, im not in a hurry anyways.

PMS influence: WTF UNCLE IM HERE FIRST WHAT ARE YOU DOING BEING SO COMPETITIVE AND CUTTING MY QUEUE? *ego issues & competitive-ness* HOW CAN I LET HIM CUT MY QUEUE? I WAS HERE FIRST AND WTH THE CASHIER PUSHED MY ORDER BACK TO SERVE HIM FIRST WHAT IS THIS?! HOW CAN I LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS JUST BECAUSE HE IS OLD?

Sometimes i feel that people who have an anger problem might have upset microbes in their gut. That it triggers them so much that they cant control it. And menopause women too. Its no doubt that hormones plays a part too. I mean normally people dont feel all the rage all the time right?

And sigh. Today im feeling alittle down. Few days ago i took another look at the letter that came from the government telling me to submit a photo for ID card update. FML, how long has it been since my face was clear? FML, FML. I received the letter early this year and now, FML ITS SEPTEMBER. 6 months to deadline. Has my face been good this 9months? F NO! Im kinda upset. How long has it been? How long more? I feel anxious going out with this face and all the stares. I have learn to not make eye contact now that im out, becos i aint got time to see the stranger’s pity look on their face. Or shock. Or disgust. I feel like i need to get over this and get used to this. And continue life. BECOS MONEY.

Money. sigh.

My face was flaring upside down like 2 months ago. So raw. So red. Now its drier, and i am sane enough now. Yesterday i drank green tea in the evening and last night i totally regretted it. I was awake last night flipping around in bed and didnt sleep til like… sunrise? FML. Today i felt so down i had to drink 3-in-1 instant coffee. I hope i dont regret this.

Also since last week i have been having hive-like bumps when i scratch. I wonder if this is a candida die-off effect. i mean i classify it as such. I have been taking Candidase yeast enzymes with anti fungals. And working up the dose. And last week i happen to take afew doses of them together. Supposedly together enhances the effect of both. And so after emailing my tcm i stopped any antifungals or candidase since wed. Its weird that only 4 days passed. It felt like so long. I thought my body would be done detoxing or catching up and that i can resume. Sigh. My bowels havent been regular so i guess i need to work on it. and just work on that one step, one day at a time for now…

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